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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27978558">Dream Again (When One's Left Behind)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravest_person_in_Wonderland/pseuds/bravest_person_in_Wonderland'>bravest_person_in_Wonderland</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon), Tangled (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eugene is a good big brother, F/M, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, My First Work in This Fandom, Ruddiger is a good lil critter, Varian is a sad bean, and also starvation and dehydration, i know it's fiction and Disney but this idea wouldn't leave me be, like a month ago and i just found it again, look at me posting things consistently again wow, no beta we die like men, rapunzel is a good big sister, sorry but I'm just saying, the au where things turn out much sadder bc i mean realistically there's a thing called suffocation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:35:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27978558</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bravest_person_in_Wonderland/pseuds/bravest_person_in_Wonderland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>canon divergence where the Decay Incantation melts the amber, but things aren't as happy as everyone wished. </p><p>I am so, so sorry.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eugene Fitzherbert | Flynn Rider/Rapunzel, Quirin &amp; Varian (Disney), Rapunzel &amp; Varian (Disney), Ruddiger &amp; Varian (Disney)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dream Again (When One's Left Behind)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>has this been done before? yeah probably. it has not, however, been done by your friendly neighborhood Lu (me). I literally wrote &gt;3k words of Variangst and I have no regrets. </p><p>confession time: I wrote this between the hours of 10pm and 5am because I was on a road trip and absolutely Could Not Sleep, which is probably why it's so angsty.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rapunzel followed Varian down the flight of stairs into his lab, cradling the bucket of water in her arms. The decay incantation would hopefully destroy the amber -- she flinched at the sight of Varian's father trapped inside as they stepped inside the room -- but Varian would need to snap her out of the trance once it was done. And... </p><p>"Varian." </p><p>He turned, big blue eyes full of hope and anxiety and still a measure of guilt. "Yeah?" </p><p>Rapunzel bit her lip. "I... can't promise that this will work. And if it does, and the amber-" she waved a hand, the bucket of water balanced on her hip, "-melts, or whatever. We don't know that... that your father will be alright." </p><p>Varian's eyebrows knitted in worry, but the way he looked at her showed that he had already thought of that. "Yeah, I uh... I know. But we've gotta try," he implored. </p><p>Rapunzel nodded and handed him the bucket. "Once the amber is gone, you'll have to break the trance. The incantation, it... sort of takes over." She began looping long strands of her hair around the formation, trying hard not to look at Quirin trapped inside and praying that this would work. "I trust you," she said, softer, when she turned back to Varian. </p><p>His eyes widened and he gave her a half-smile. "I'm ready," he said. </p><p>Rapunzel nodded. Taking a deep breath, she began the incantation. </p><p>
  <em>"Wither and decay<br/>
End this destiny<br/>
Break these earthly chains<br/>
And set the spirit free..." </em>
</p><p>Faintly, through the mental fog of the spell, she heard Varian catch a breath. </p><p>"It's working, the amber- it's melting!" </p><p>The incantation repeated -- it was no longer Rapunzel in control. She opened her eyes and saw through the darkness that the amber was nearly gone now, Quirin slumped to the ground. </p><p>A splash of water. Inconsequential. </p><p>"Rapunzel?" Varian's frightened, worried voice. His hands touching her shoulders -- <em>was he alright, was he burned like Cassandra?</em> -- and a soft gasp. "Rapunzel, I'm- you never gave up on me. And I won't give up on you." </p><p>The darkness faded with a jolt, causing Rapunzel to gasp in a breath. She dropped to her knees and momentarily felt Varian's arms around her before he got up and ran to check on his dad. </p><p>She kept her head bent for a few moments longer to give them some semblance of privacy, but Varian's hushed cries of "Dad? Dad please..." made her look up in concern. </p><p>Varian was bent over his father, shaking his broad shoulders in an attempt to wake him. "Dad, please, wake up..." Varian's eyes met Rapunzel's. "Princess- Rapunzel-" </p><p>Rapunzel moved over to them, careful not to step in the larger puddles of melted amber, and pressed a hand to Quirin's limp wrist the way she knew to look for a pulse. Her face must have inadvertently betrayed the truth before she even spoke it, because Varian sat back on his heels with a harsh gasp. </p><p><em>"No,"</em>  he whispered, <em>"Nononono..."</em></p><p>Rapunzel swallowed hard. "Varian, I can- I can try the healing incantation. I can't tell you if it will work, but I can try it." She had failed him once, more than once if she was honest, and she refused to do that again. She would do everything she could this time. </p><p>Varian struggled to steady his breathing. "Please,"  he begged, "I-" </p><p>"Shh," Rapunzel hushed him. The sooner they did this the better. She pulled her hair around and laid a large portion overtop Quirin's still chest. She noticed briefly that his limp hand still held a crumpled note. </p><p>
  <em>"Flower, gleam and glow<br/>
Let your power shine<br/>
Make the clock reverse<br/>
Bring back what once was mine </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Heal what has been hurt<br/>
Change the Fates' design<br/>
Make the clock reverse<br/>
Bring back what once was mine </em>
</p><p>
  <em>What once was mine..." </em>
</p><p>When she opened her eyes again, there was no golden glow from her hair's old magic, and no sign of change in Quirin. </p><p>"Varian-" she reached a hand to him, and he took it blindly, his eyes still fixed on his father's pale face. It was the first time Rapunzel had seen or touched his bare hands, as he was always wearing his big leather gloves. It made him seem even smaller and more vulnerable. </p><p>Varian choked back a sob, the action causing his entire small frame to shudder. He gripped Rapunzel's hand tighter. </p><p>"Varian, come here..." she pulled him nearer and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." </p><p>Varian's only reply was another string of choked "no"s, before he let go of any restraint he'd had left and broke into full sobs, burying his face in Rapunzel's shoulder. She steadied him with a hand placed on his back and let him cry. A few tears leaked out of her own eyes and dripped into his dark hair. </p><p>When Varian's sobs finally slowed, then stopped, he sat back and sniffed. "I- uh... I'm sorry-" </p><p>"No." Rapunzel's eyebrows knitted together. "No, it's- you have nothing to be sorry for." She knew that wasn't entirely true, but they weren't talking about his past failures right now. "Come on," she said gently, unfolding her legs from underneath herself and standing, offering a hand to Varian. As she stood, she carefully picked up the paper that Quirin had been holding and pocketed it. </p><p>Varian shook his head and moved back toward his father's body, bending over in one final hug. Rapunzel thought she heard him whisper, barely a breath, <em>"I'm sorry, dad"</em> before he did turn back and take her hand. </p><p>He didn't let go once he was on his feet, and the vulnerability of the touch reminded Raounzel of how young Varian really was. She gave his hand a gently squeeze and pulled him toward the exit. </p><p>"Come on," she repeated, "I'll send someone to..." to collect Quirin's body. "We'll give him an honorable burial," she continued, her voice wavering. Varian simply nodded weakly, overcome with emotion. </p><p>When they reached the door, Varian sucked in a breath. "I can't-" his eyes were wild and full of pain. "I can't- leave him-" he tried to turn around, but Rapunzel held him back. </p><p>"Varian, he- he's gone," she murmured, and her voice broke on the last word. "I'm sorry." </p><p>After that, Varian followed sedately, Rapunzel with an arm around his thin shoulders to guide and steady him. On their return to the palace, he just nodded in agreement when Rapunzel offered to have a room made up for him to stay in for the time being. </p><p>He followed her up the steps to the room and only when she was about to turn and leave him did he speak. "Don't, um... no more sorrys, ok?" </p><p>Rapunzel frowned in confusion. "What?" </p><p>"I don't want to hear all the 'I'm sorry's, it... it doesn't help." He looked tired, and small. "Please." </p><p>"Alright." Rapunzel gave him a sad smile. "Goodnight, Varian. If you need anything, you know where to find me." </p><p>~ </p><p>Varian sat bolt upright in the bed, gasping for breath and vaguely aware of tears on his cheeks. Ruddiger started and leapt off his lap. Sunlight came streaming in through the window and he could hear birds chirping and the buzz of voices outside the castle... the castle. He was in the castle, Rapunzel had brought him back here last night, she hadn't wanted him to be alone, because... because his father was dead. </p><p>And with an icy jolt, Varian recalled the dream, or more accurately, the realization within the dream, that had awoken him from his exhausted sleep. His father was dead. His father was dead, and it was his fault. He had tried, irrationally, childishly, at first, to pin the blame on Rapunzel, on Corona as a whole, but the truth was... he had created the formula that created the amber. If he had obeyed his dad and stopped experimenting with the rocks, the accident never would have happened, none of this would have. </p><p>A knock sounded at the door, causing Ruddiger to glance at his boy. How long had he slept? Hastily, he wiped the remaining tears from his face. </p><p>"Come in?" </p><p>The door cracked open and Eugene Fitzherbert poked his head in, glancing at the boy on the bed before the rest of his body followed. </p><p>"The princess sent me to check up on you, see if you need anything. She, ah... she told me a bit about last night." He screwed his face into a wry expression of sympathy. "Also, I brought a change of clothes. That-" Eugene gestured to Varian's outfit, the same mishmash of dark-colored materials that he had been wearing the night before. Apparently he had been so worn out, emotionally and physically, that he hadn't even realized he was still fully dressed. "-is a veritable fashion <em>disaster."</em></p><p>Varian just blinked at him. He understood what Eugene was trying to do, he understood that the man didn't do serious well, and he didn't mind. In all honesty, it actually did make him feel a bit better. It was just that he didn’t know how to respond. He tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. </p><p>"Thanks," he muttered, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. "Uh- is... everyone... ok with me being here?" It seemed the best place to start, seeing as it was only last night that he had almost tried to destroy Corona. He hated how rough and broken his voice sounded from crying the night before. </p><p>Eugene set the bundle of clothes down. "Well, the king and queen are still affected by that memory-thingy, so they're alright with it for now. We will have to figure out how to get their memories back soon, though." </p><p>Varian flinched a little bit. "Sorry." </p><p>"Naaaaah, don't worry about it. Really, kid, you may have made some bad choices but in the end, when it mattered most, you did the right thing." Eugene half-smiled, then looked serious. "I uh, might not be the best at this, but... do you want to talk about anything?" </p><p>In the back of his mind, Varian was astounded that Rapunzel and Eugene were accepting him back as a friend so quickly after everything he had done and threatened to do. But the thought that was threatening to overwhelm him at the moment was the knowledge that he was at fault for his dad's death. It hurt to think about, sent a pang of red-hot guilt through him. He hoped that didn't show on his face as he shook his head. </p><p>Apparently he was perceptive enough to see the lie in Varian's eyes, because Eugene nodded, but after a moment of tense silence, added, "Do you want to talk to Rapunzel about it?" </p><p>The memory of how the princess -- the person he had tried to hurt the most in his childish rage -- had done so much to try and save his dad, the way she had held him as he broke down, hit him hard and this time he couldn't lie. "Yes," he whispered. </p><p>"Do you want me to ask her to come up here, or-" </p><p>"Can I- can I go to her, maybe? Would that be ok?" Varian didn't want to stay in this room. It was nice, but it was empty, and it felt like a reminder that he no longer had a home. </p><p>Eugene nodded, that sympathetic expression reappearing on his face. "Why don't you get changed and I'll take you down to her room." </p><p>~ </p><p>Rapunzel's sleep had been fitful. She knew she had done everything she could, but her heart acted for Varian. He was only a teenager, not even that much younger than she was. Four or five years. It wasn't fair that he should have to go through this, no matter what he had done in the recent past. </p><p>"I brought the bean, Blondie," Eugene's voice called from just outside the open door. </p><p>"Bean?" She recognized Varian's voice. He sounded worn. </p><p>"Hey, don't ask me to explain the nicknames. They just- come to me!" Eugene grinned. "It's a gift." </p><p>Varian nodded disbelievingly as he entered, Ruddiger on his shoulders. He was grieving, yes, but at least so far it didn't seem as if he was wallowing in the depression, if he was going along with Eugene's teasing. He mouthed the word <em>"bean"</em> again, silently, and Rapunzel had to chuckle. </p><p>"How did you sleep?" She began, then winced. She was being so cliche. She hated being cliche. </p><p>Varian shrugged. "Better than I expected, I guess. Um..." he picked at his thumbnail awkwardly. It was still a little unnerving to see him without gloves on. Rapunzel made a mental note to find him a new pair in the near future. "I don't really know how to go about this," he admitted. </p><p>"You said you wanted to talk to her," Eugene inserted. "You want me to leave for a while?" </p><p>"No!" Varian cried out, then cringed. "Sorry- I just... you can stay?" </p><p>Eugene nodded and settled himself on Rapunzel's bed. Rapunzel, for her part, gestured to the window seat. </p><p>"Let's sit," she suggested. She watched Varian's every movement, every expression, not from distrust -- no, even after he had been the villain, she fully believed his change of heart -- but out of concern. The eyes were windows to the soul, it was said, but the proverb was especially true in Varian's case. </p><p>She sat on the windowsill and Varian hesitantly followed suit, seeming to try not to sit too close. Ruddiger moved to his lap, and he toyed with a long tuft of the raccoons fur for a while before he spoke. "Can we... start with something easier?" Easier... than talking about Quirin, she assumed. She nodded. </p><p>"I'm uh... I know I already said it, but I'm sorry. I'm- really sorry. For kidnapping your mom and for threatening her and Cassi- Cassandra and everyone else and for helping the Saporians and... all of it. Don't-" he lifted a hand for just a moment when Rapunzel took a breath to speak. "I... I thought it made sense? I was so scared and mad and it hurt and I needed someone to blame, and in retrospect it actually doesn't make any sense at all -- i realized that when we were in the cell together -- and it was all just- childish and I'm kind of mad at myself now and... and I'm rambling... sorry." He pulled Ruddiger closer, and the animal seemed to sense that his owner needed that comfort, quietly allowing the boy to wraps his arms around him. </p><p>Rapunzel shared a glance with Eugene, who cleared his throat. </p><p>"Well, I for one completely forgive you. I wasn't sure last night if I could trust you, especially with the life of the woman I love. But I already told you, kid, you made the right choice and I think that's pretty cool." He smiled lopsidedly. "Team Awesome?" </p><p>That got a real smile, however small, from Varian. "Yeah," he breathed. "Team Awesome." </p><p>"Now my turn," Rapunzel said softly. "Varian, I am-" she hesitated. "I am so proud of you." </p><p>Varian visibly froze, raising his eyes slowly to her face. </p><p>"I knew yesterday that your heart had changed," she pushed on, "But accepting responsibility is often the hardest part of growing past our mistakes. And I am so, so proud of you for taking that step. And..." she paused, unsure whether to go on. "Varian, look at me." She waited until his eyes met hers before continuing. "Your dad would be even more proud." </p><p>He choked back a sudden sobbing laugh and turned his face away from her, burying it in Ruddiger's fur. She heard him whisper something, but she couldn't make it out. </p><p>"Varian?" She shifted closer and put a hand on his shoulder, looking over to meet Eugene's worried eyes. "Varian, can you repeat that?" </p><p>He shuddered again. "It's my fault," he hissed. "Mine. Not yours, not anyone else's like I wanted it to be." He raised his head and Rapunzel saw in his eyes the deep anguish of a child who had had his childhood stripped away. "It's my fault he's d-dead, i made the formula for the amber, I didn't know it would- would grow like that, I didn't know what it would do and I still decided to try it ev-even after Dad told me to stop messing with the black rocks and I poured it on the rocks and the amber started growing and I was right next to it -- it should have been me -- and Dad pushed me out of the way and it got him instead and it's m-my fault and now he's dead instead of me, because of me-" he had slipped into sobs again, now, and it broke Rapunzel's heart to see. </p><p>~ </p><p>"Varian, it was an accident," he heard Rapunzel's soft voice, but he made no reply. She should be more upset, angry at him for threatening her family and kingdom, disappointed at him for disobeying his dad, for being the reason his dad was dead,  but for some reason she wasn't. </p><p>She shook his shoulder and that wrecked him even more. Something about the gentleness, the care conveyed through the touch -- maybe the fact that he would never again feel that from his father -- sent a new wave of pain and longing through his heart. A moment later , he felt Eugene's larger hand on his back, warm and unexpectedly comforting. His tears slowed a little. </p><p>"It's al- no," Eugene sighed. "I won't tell you 'it's alright,' Varian, because it's not. I know it's not." </p><p>Without thinking about it, Varian twisted around so he could put an arm around Eugene's neck. He almost pulled away when he felt him stiffen, but then Eugene's arms wrapped around him, and Rapunzel joined the hug too. Two heroes, a broken boy, and his raccoon sat huddled on a windowseat in a castle. </p><p>"It was an accident," Rapunzel whispered in his ear. "Sometimes there's not any one person who's at fault, and you have to learn to accept that." </p><p>He nodded silently, not trusting his voice. He wasn't sure he believed her. She hadn't been there, hadn't seen what had happened. But he didn't want to fight. He was tired. He had just woken up a couple hours ago and yet he was so tired. </p><p>"Varian," Rapunzel said his name again. "I... I took this from your lab. Your dad was holding it." When he looked, he saw that she was holding out a single piece of paper, carefully folded. </p><p>Shakily, he took it. He recognized his dad's handwriting immediately on unfolding it and gritted his teeth against the wave of grief that welled up in him. </p><p>
  <em>Son, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you more than I have loved another person since meeting your mother. I may not have always shown it well, but I love you. I'm proud of you. Never forget that. No matter what happens. I love you. </em>
</p><p>Varian hissed a breath through his teeth, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Did you read this?" </p><p>"No," Rapunzel replied. "May I...?" </p><p>Varian handed her the paper, fully aware that he was trembling. Ruddiger chirped, a small, friendly sound. Eugene leaned over, keeping an arm around Varian's back, and read along with Rapunzel. </p><p>"See," he said, not flippantly but with a gentle cheer, "What did we tell you?" </p><p>Varian snorted. His head was bent, his eyes red from tears. He shook his head, at a loss for words, and Rapunzel rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. </p><p>"You can stay here as long as you like," she said. "Ruddiger too." There was a bittersweet smile in her voice. </p><p>Varian nodded. He would stay here, with these people who somehow wanted him as a friend. He didn't have anyone else anymore, he thought with another pang, other than Ruddiger. Maybe here he could make up for what he had done, help bring back the king and queen's memories, even help defeat the evil encroaching on Corona. </p><p>Maybe he would never be the same. Maybe pain was a formula he would have to learn to decipher. Maybe he would be ok again, someday. Maybe he could learn to dream again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is my first TTS fic and I'm really hoping I got the character voices right... leave a comment with any thoughts/opinions/reactions?? I love talking to other fans of stuff. :D </p><p>also, the subtitle is <em>absolutely</em> a shameless reference to Bonnie and Clyde, all hail princess Laura Osnes X,DDD</p></blockquote></div></div>
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